Wiffle Ball Champions

Darkness and Dominator will reclaim the championship

Pictures of the Loveshack’s living quarters surface via TMZ

The cameras of TMZ somehow got a hold of both Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo’s room layout.

Pictures are worth a 1000 words. However these pictures are only worth 1 word: queer.

Here is Crybaby Nik’s room:

What his room has and why:

High School Musical Poster – Wants to be on broadway, this group of people includes many of his role models.

“Zac Efron has really nice hair.”

-CN

Mark Sanchez Poster – One of his favorite football players of all time. Loves to model the way he “plays” “sports” after him. Nik also appreciates emotional delivery as much as play delivery. 

“Seeing Mark Sanchez cry on the field really made me feel better about being able to express myself. In professional sports, it’s often looked down or frowned upon, but the alumni of USC really helped me out with my problem. I owe a lot to Mark Sanchez and Matt Leinart.”

-CN

The Village Picture Poster – Easily one of his favorite groups of all time. If wiffle ball doesn’t pan out for him, he hopes to one day work at a bar in which he could be a pivotal force in a Village People tribute band.

“I started my career as a professional ball player in the YMCA. Without them, I would not be the player I am today. So yeah, it was VERY fun to stay at the YMCA.”

-CN

Tony Premo Rug – Part of their team “bond.” Helps him see a “true” champion everyday before putting on his crocs. This is also what they refer to as ‘phase III’ of their team building therapy sessions. Because both members of the Loveshack have anger issues with one another on the field, their therapist decided it would be a good idea to keep a life size portrait of the team member near you at all times. This way, you learn to live and love together.

“Why the [expletive] wouldn’t I have a life-sized rug of Premo in my room? He’s a [expletive] winner and puts the “Love” in Loveshack. Think about it.”

-CN

Here is Tony Premo’s Room:

Joakim Noah Poster – Premo really loved the way he played against The Ohio State University during a National Championship Title Game, appreciates the “enemy.”

“C’mon, he beat THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY! You know he’s got to be a [expletive] badass. Those dance moves too…Wow.”

-TP

WNBA fathead – If you look on fathead.com, you will see only one person has bought this. Now you know who.

“The WNBA has a work ethic that I can respect. No one on this entire [expletive] planet cares about the WNBA, but athletes like Sheryl Swoops and Lisa Leslie play like it’s the last game they’ll ever play. Every time. The fact that no one cares about the WNBA really hits home, because when I think about it, I know that no one cares about The Loveshack. We’re still gonna play long and hard, though.”

-TP

Twilight Poster – One of his favorite movies of all times. The only thing Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo can’t agree on is how to choose between Team Edward and Team Jacob.

“I hope to one day have abs and a sick tan like that Werewolf. No further comment.”

-TP

Crybaby Nik Comforter – Again, loves to see the “face” of a “champion” everyday before putting on his OSU snuggie and going to bed.

“I know that when I hit the bed after a long and arduous practice, Nik will be with me. That way, I stay close to my teammates on and off the field. It’s a good way to sync up energies. At least, that’s what someone told me. I’m supposed to say ‘no homo’ here, right?”

-TP

Advertisements

December 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The Loveshack unveil new jerseys!

There you have it, folks. The unveiling of the brand new jersey for your local Loveshack “warriors” is finally here. If you remember, the duo sported something a little more manly last year, having a close family relative be the representative/mascot.

This year, shit got real for them. After having congratulatory words from Hollywood’s Finest Gays and being sponsored by GLAAD, the team has decided to go in a new direction. They’ve also decided to opt for the “baby doll tee” as opposed to a man’s jersey, because…well…you know.

“You know, I’m a skinny guy. I chose the baby doll because it makes my figure look way better.”

-CN

“I just like the colors!”

-TP

Look for these new jerseys out on the field at the championships!

December 18, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

New Endorsements for the Loveshack!

Big news for the Loveshack camp. Two new corporate entities have come forward and expressed their support and furthermore, monetary endorsement of the Loveshack.

Nissan has come forward as the first supporter, namely with their newly released US product, the Cube. After seeing the Losers prevail over the Champions, and subsequently changing their name to the Loveshack they came to an agreement that they would create a new line of the Cube appropriately dubbed ‘The Loveshack series.” Because the car undoubtedly is home to many comparisons to shacks, homes and cardboard boxes. Naturally, the Cube wanted to be a part of such a historically queer team, so the series will feature new colorways such as “Yelpin’ Yellow,” “Pretty in Pink (pictured below),” “Babydoll Blue,” and team favorite “Lovely Lavender.”

The official launch will be in 2010.

A second sponsor is more of a moral support type deal. The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, known as GLADD, have expressed their sponsorship of the Loveshack. As you may know, GLADD has been pivotal in the careers of Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O Donnell, and are allowing Gays to prevail in professional sports as well.

Several prominent figures in the Gay and Lesbian community spoke out in support of the Loveshack.

“I think this is a great opportunity for these two nancy boys to really stand up for their kind and make all of us proud.”

-Ellen Degeneres

“I agree. If I was a guy, I would do them.”

-Rosie O Donnell

“I am a guy, I would definitely do them.”

-Adam Lambert

Will they bring home the Gold for the Gays? Stay tuned.

December 16, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

“They’re too gay for even us…” – The B-52s cut ties with the Loveshack

The not-so beloved team Loveshack has obviously derived their team name from the famed 80s group, the B-52s. As you know, the group’s most successful single, 1989’s “Love Shack,” is a song that’s known by many. Both Tony Premo and Crybaby Nik have publicly noted their love for the song and reasoning behind changing their team name.

“Ever since we snaked that [2008] championship, I’ve just wanted to spread the love around, and I know my team supports that. We didn’t want to be associated with losing, so we wanted to show our appreciation for the fans and let them know that there’s plenty of us to go around, if you catch my drift.”

-2009 Losers‘ Loveshack Press Release

After catching wind of this name change, many wondered if the washed-up group would press charges against the team for stealing the name of their smash-single.

Singers Cindy Wilson and Kate Pierson showed a lack of care for the matter after being asked about any pending lawsuits.

You kidding me? Those queers can have that song. We wrote that song to get in good with the gay community anyway, but they’re too gay for even us.  So by all means, feel free to use it. We’ve spent all our money from that single on methamphetamines and other hallucinogens, so I couldn’t give a [expletive] less what the [expletive] they do with that [expletive] song. Just don’t use our [expletive] Flintstones theme song. Now that would be a lawsuit-worthy situation.

-Cindy Wilson/Kate Pierson, The B-52s

Enjoy “Loveshack“:

December 16, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

Free Agent signings?

Now, we never thought it was possible, but Team Loveshack has tried to contact some professional athletes to add to their roster for much needed help, especially after their feud with the Sun. This is a violation of Wiffle Ball Tournament rules, and these actions are under investigation.

It was a joint effort in part by Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo. Anderson Varejao and Joakim Noah, some of the two ugliest people were contacted by Team Loveshack. Anderson Varejao known for nothing more than a ball of hair, is victim to many brutal facials, which could be a reason why Team Loveshack contacted him. They want to know how he can still wake up in the morning after being made fun of for countless hours and how he can handle losing.

In related news, Dwaye Wade has contacted the Champions and after becoming a true Free Agent in 2010, would like to join the team in search for another ring. When asked about the recent rumors, Wade confirmed them by saying “They are the best right now, and after talking with them I feel like them guiding me in the right direction will help me win more championships in my career. I feel like Crybaby Nik or Tony Premo wouldn’t be able to handle the pressure.” Wade has provided us with this clip for the site. Thanks D-weezy!

Joakim Noah, on the other hand is known to upset all people with the way he talks, but is an important evolutionary subject between humans and chimpanzees. Not known for his jumping, Joakim Noah who is half chimp can leap from tree to tree, and might have been a huge acquisition in the field to stay in the trees robbing homeruns from Darkness and Dominator during the next Championship. Also known for his dancing, Crybaby Nik has been quoted of saying that he would love to learn the way Noah dances for his Broadway “adventures.”

Here you see Noah dancing after the National Championship where they beat the Ohio State Buckeyes. Darkness wants nothing to do with Noah. “He’s a [expletive]. He can go [expletive] himself. And go jump off a [expletive] bridge. [expletive] him and his team.” (The rest of the quote is even more inappropriate, so was edited out). Tony Premo, also known for being a Buckeye simply said, “if you can’t beat them, join them.” Which is very unfortunate.

December 16, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | Leave a comment

Interesting fashion choices…

While the Champions are gearing up for a repeat of 2006’s victory, the Loveshack has different agendas in mind. It seems as though Crybaby has slowly began his transition from wiffle ball to his real love — broadway.

He was recently out on the town promoting his local theatrical performance of Mario the Musical: Storming Bowser’s Castle. In a recent interview with Dance Weekly, he mentioned his love for the stage

Hot damn, I love dancing. Anything to get me into these tights pretty much is a guaranteed sign-on for me. God bless the theater! It’s so RAW!

Premo, however, is a bit confused. Now, everyone loves Kanye West and there’s no problem with that. But he’s pulled outdated replications of the rap superstar and began to believe that shutter shades are actually in. Here he is at a local party with what seems to be a Taylor Swift impersonator wearing shutter shades.

After a brief interview with Kanye, the WBC Blog would find out that Mr. West is no longer affiliated with Shutter shades and has since stopped wearing em.

WBC: So Kanye, Premo has been seen sporting shutter shades and alluded to you as inspiration. How do you feel about that?

Kanye West: Dog are you [expletive] kidding? My hat, my shoes, my coat – Louie Vuitton stitched.

Kanye West has been a huge fan of the Champions since Day One and in 2007, wrote a song about the team, aptly titled, “Champion.”

Here’s Kanye West with the champions at Kanye’s birthday party in 2007:

Stay tuned.

December 16, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

What has the Sun been up to?

One of the most influential players of 2008 Wiffle Ball Championships, the Sun has been full force. He has given up his dreams of playing as an all-time fielder/umpire, and decided to focus on football. He is trying to become all around athlete, but has focused on football, since his “rain man” days of basketball only lasted one August evening in 2008.

Even after the scandals that the Sun has been on the Loveshack’s team, he has quickly regretted that decision. There have been reports that he has gotten into altercations with team Loveshack, and tried to join the real team, The Champions. His decision was solidified after reports of how the Loveshack operate came out (no pun intended). The Sun has released this statement regarding his interaction with Team Loveshack, “The Sun was at a point in his career where he didn’t need to be associated with Team Loveshack. He doesn’t care that they ‘won,’ but they haven’t shown The Sun the respect he deserves. It’s a tragedy really, but the Sun and Team Loveshack are no longer affiliated with each other.”

[The Sun, refers to himself in the third person, as he preps to become an NFL star]

Photos as proofs are found below:

He is seen here trying not to be seen with this new rival, Crybaby Nik.


Notice the expression on The Sun’s face when he was forced to take this photo.

Here you can see that he is happy with his new decision of distancing himself from Team Loveshack and trying to adapt the Champions way.

There were also reports that the Sun may be heading for a different career path as well. Trying to become a historian as he is seen trying to buy his way into the history books by collecting artifacts from different areas around the world. However, after discussing these options with Darkness and Dominator, he has decided to keep this as just a hobby where one day he can buy these artifacts after earning his millions in the NFL.

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Questionable Reading Material – The Loveshack Controversy

After insinuations of cheating were anonymously tipped to the WBC offices, the investigation team decided to take to the source: the Loveshack locker room, commonly referred to as “The Boiler Room.” [ed note: Sources close to the team have alluded to the fact that they turn the heat up to 100+ degrees, urging those who enter to shed articles of clothing, but these allegations have yet to be confirmed.]

Upon further investigation, several interesting books were found in the lockers of Premo and Crybaby. Let’s take a look:

Now, this one isn’t too bad. A Self-help guide to the ins and outs (all homo) of the wonderful game of Wiffle Ball. In an interview with The Darkness, he would mention that “Real champions don’t need a mother[expletive]’ guide.”

Wiffle Balls? Upon investigation and a quick skim of this booklet, reports said that this was not a guide to the game of wiffle ball. In fact, the book had no information that contained anything of relevancy to the game.  In actuality, it was a guide to the local ‘homosexual hangouts’ of the greater Houston area. A bit risky, but I guess times are changing.

This is the book that has caused a bit of a stirrup in the industry as of late. Excerpts from this book, “On Ways to Win,” have alluded to the “unofficial equipment” scandals and ‘dirty’ playing methods.

Some of the controversial excerpts:

“Sometimes you may seem like you are overmatched and overdominated, with no light in sight. Don’t fear there are plenty of ways to get past this type of team. You can try to bribe the referees or umpires, or even make powerful equipment to help you. Practice may seem like another way, but it takes a lot longer.”

“You should try to bribe to get an extra player in the game. Use an outside force to get this extra fielder, and take away the other’s teams’ strategy. The more you have in the field the merrier. Bribing again can be used with this extra player.”

Not exactly a testament to team playing, don’t you think?

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment

Will the December curse be an issue for the Loveshack this year?

It’s no secret that Tony Romo has seen his days of glory, but as soon as December rolls around, choke city. Considering that 1/2 of the Loveshack derives most of playing influences and inspirations from the famed Cowboys quarterback, one has to take the December curse into consideration.

The last meeting between the Champs and the Loveshack happened in July of 2008. The Loveshack were barely able to take the championship, during Game 7 of the series. Let’s not forget the unbelievable comeback on behalf of the Champs from a 3-0 deficit to even take the series to Game 7. During Game 7, the Loveshack were able to measle a win when it came down to the wire, and respects and dues had been paid up.

This year’s championship takes place in the dreaded month of December. Will Tony Premo rise to the occasion or fall victim to the curse?

Stay tuned to Wiffle Ball Champions for ongoing coverage.

December 15, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Equipment Scandal

With all of these rumors circulating about how Team Loveshack actually won, it is not a surprise that yet another report came out. This time Tim Kurkjian was the one to receive the news.

The official bat and ball of the Wiffle Ball Tournament should have been the yellow bat, with the ball pictured below. Tony Premo and Crybaby Nik were given the duty of getting the equipment back in 2008. However, in an effort to beat Darkness and Dominator, Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo could not find the official ball and bat, and had “to settle” for off-brands. Because Darkness and Dominator are used to using the official equipment (because winners never try to take the least expensive road, when it comes to championships), they were out of luck and had trouble adjusting to the new equipment. This perfectly explains how Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo were able to take the first three of four games in the seven game series.

Official Items:

What was acutally used:

Darkness and Dominator have only had a few words to say on the matter. “We didn’t have any idea about the situation. We don’t believe Crybaby Nik and Tony Premo would have cheated on purpose, but I guess that is what the investigation will find out. We would no longer like to discuss if they have cheated or not, but we do know, we play the game according to all the regulated rules.”

December 14, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | , | Leave a comment